Love Isn't Blind - It's Delulu

Netflix's Love Is Blind holds a mirror to the trials and tribulations of today's modern dating scene and makes us pick up the pieces.

I have seen too many great minds of my generation fall into the trap of defending Jimmy. Netflix’s mock Stanford Prison Experiment dating show makes me question where it all went wrong, with too many contestants having secret girlfriends (!), secret almost step-kids (!!), and secret fiances (!!!). While I don’t look to the NickAndVanessLachey-hosted dating shows to bring groundbreaking revelations around dating, some competency from the contestants would be a good start.

Blame it on the Edit

Love is Blind is a show that takes itself too seriously and not seriously enough, between the shoddily designed millennial Levittown houses and the royalty-free music ( I love you and the waves / your touch is all I craves). This follows the disconnect between those who believe in engagements as a binding concept and those who don’t. This is why it was so weirdly satisfying to watch AD, someone who understands the importance of a commitment, tear into Sarah Ann, who clearly doesn’t.

While the audience might never get the full story of these couples, it also feels like we never got to know them. Vague job titles like “Account Executive” and “Real Estate Agent” make the audiences fill in the gaps. While many made comments about exes and parental trauma in the pods, none talked about hobbies, their favorite sports teams. Why should these people get together outside of….uh….proximity? (Johnny and Amy you’re both so sweet but what do you talk about please DM me.) Maybe we’re not supposed to know these people outside of the context of their relationships.

What About Us? What About Everything We’ve Been Through?

Is like blind? Outside of Amy and Johnny, I have yet to be sold on the concept of love from these couples. The show, and many of the couples in it, do an excellent job of holding a mirror to the culture of eye-rolling and dismissing our partners. Laura makes comments about JerÅmy’s incessant Hawaiian shirts, he embarasses her on national TV. Do these couples like each other? Or are they just tollerating each other to get to the end of the aisle. It also comes back to the fact that we all like to be picked. Laura could tolerate JerAmy’s banter and shirts because it finally meant she was chosen. Until she wasn’t.

Jimmy’s father himself embodies this casual dislike many of the couples have for their partners. He mentions how his wife is a ‘pack rat’ and ‘nags’ him every day of their marriage. While we aren’t doomed to repeat the sins of our fathers, one doesn’t have to wonder what Jimmy is going to model his relationship from. Women have too much stuff! Women annoy men!! It’s tiring, and makes it all the more easy for Jimmy to turn around and lie and gaslit Chelsea while looking like the victim.

What About Trust?

I keep coming back to the idea of trust. What grounds has Jimmy laid for Chelsea to trust him? We are watching someone’s anxious attachment play out in real-time, and her partner does very little to prove his actions aren’t playing into her fears.

Maybe the show’s makeup is at fault for this, too. Contestants spend hours getting to know someone’s words and voice, instead of spending time face-to-face where trust could be built. Anyone can get a production assistant to put flowers and beers in their date’s room, promising to buy them a house; not everyone can prove through their actions that they should be trusted.

We, as the audience, have put a lot of faith into the producers picking, to some degree, contestants who are at the very least not engaged ready to make an authentic and meaningful connection. Maybe that blind faith is at fault, but I also feel that the background checks weren’t as extensive as they should have been. Give my friend Sarah 10 minutes, a first name and a general location; she could have found all the contestants’ dirty laundry and current girlfriends.

Without the drama, thought, would we tune in? Maybe no one wants to see a happy, healthy, relationship for the fear of it being boring. (Johnny and Amy if you can read this please DM and let me know what you talk about! We’re rooting for you!!) Maybe all of this is to the point the mirror back at us, and say ‘well you tuned in, didn’t you?’ In any case, it makes me sad for modern dating.

—

Get linked up:

What I’m Reading working through the slog! I just finished A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas and have picked up the sequel, A Court of Mist and Fury due to even more light bullying (and the incessant motivation of my friends going “just wait until book 5 then it gets good!!!!”)

What I’m Listening to: weeping softly into this good night! Adrienne Lenker’s newest singles, the royalty-free music on love is blind, charli xcx

What I’m Wearing: fake spring fake winter real style. No one knows what temperature it is anymore. since repping the Gap as a kid in their bright orange hoodie, I have been a Gap truther - these sweaters are paramount to none.

What I Saw: not a day goes by - the luckiest girl in the lottery won tickets to see Merrily We Roll Along with my celebrity crush Daniel Radcliffe & former gleek Jonathan Groff.